Losing Hope
by lar-ton
Summary: It's hard loosing the love of your life, but what’s tougher is trying to get them back. Especially when they turn their back on you and your love, and break your heart so bad, the pain is almost unbearable. Slash.
1. Boys don't cry

**Sunrise over the tango factory's A/N: **Angst, angst, angst! Oh how I love it! That's right folks, Lar-tons at it again. So if you enjoy heartbreak, tears, trauma, lost love, denial and indescribable amounts of angst…read on! If you don't…I dunno…go have a brew I suppose…meh…on with the story!

**Raging Tree Trunks A/N: **Well said Sunrise :D Ok, story time now children- Now. Are you sitting comfotably?

**WARNING: CONTAINS MUCHO ANGST**

* * *

Grabbing his hand, Lister half dragged a very disgruntled Arnold. J. Rimmer into the technicians stock cupboard and began absent mindedly nibbling his ear, whilst encircling his slim waist with one arm and gripping his wrist gently with his own free hand.

Lister grinned to himself as he relished in the knowledge that he and Rimmer were together.

Exclusively.

A couple.

A couple who were very much in love.

Lister brushed his lips against Rimmer's, loving every moment, the scent of his skin was intoxicating, and like a cigarette followed by a vindaloo curry washed down with lager- he wanted more.

They'd been together for about a year now, and Lister had never been happier.

It had all happened after they'd had another one of those intense arguments, Lister had finally made out with Krissy after months of hoping and waiting, yet he had felt nothing.

No fireworks or sparks whatsoever. Nothing. Zilch. Nadda.

This lack of consuming passion and overwhelming joy had of course confused Lister to no end, and had set him up for a bad mood for the rest of the day.

Rimmer on the other hand had turned in not one, not two, but three official complaints and was onto his fourth complaints notebook of the month putting him in a somewhat celebratory mood.

Their moods had clashed and a fight soon followed. It started off like any other of their arguments. They'd exchange insults, before they sulked for a bit and then having another go at each other.

Lister had been really getting into the argument. He wanted to vent some of his confusion; he wanted to get rid of it and the only way of doing that was yelling and screaming at his annoying roommate He leant close to Rimmer so he was only inches away from his face, opened his mouth but found words failed him. For the fist time in his life, Lister took a proper look at Rimmer. He looked deep into his eyes, and suddenly the whole world clicked into place. He twitched nervously as Rimmer stared back at him, waiting for the insult. Lister gave a small smile, "Sorry" he muttered, still not breaking eye contact.

Rimmer frowned only slightly "erm...right...okay"

Before Lister knew what he was doing, he had placed his hands either side of Rimmer's face, drew him close and kissed him. It started gentle as Lister dipped his toes in the water so to speak and gauged Rimmer's reaction.

Rimmer however, made no movement whatsoever and instead froze in shock at the action, wondering if it was some kind of joke and if he was having one of_ those_ dreams again.

Lister deepened the kiss in the hope of getting some response, even being pushed away would be better than him just standing there rigid.

When Lister eventually broke off the kiss, Rimmer swayed a little whilst his puzzled brain tried to make sense of what had just happened. He coughed and said the one thing that he thought would be acceptable in this situation.

"Thank you…"

Rimmer licked his lips liking how Lister tasted, and quickly decided to launch in for round 2. He awkwardly placed his hands on Lister's shoulders, and cringed at how it must look like he was about to head butt him rather than kiss him.

His cheeks glowed he leant in a kissed Lister, relaxing instantly as he found comfort like no other he'd ever experienced. For a second or two, they stood kissing; hardly daring to touch each other too much, as if what they were doing was a crime.

And so the relationship began...things were taken slowly. The fear of rejection made Lister and Rimmer hesitate before getting in too deep. But it soon dawned on both of them that everything about their relationship felt right.

When they were with each other, problems faded into obscurity. Lister felt safe and secure in Rimmer's arms, and would always without fail smile when he whispered 'I love you' in his ear.

This made it very hard to stay mad at Rimmer for too long, as he'd look at Lister with large eyes and say, "I love you" in a quiet voice. This was how most arguments ended, and this is what led to Lister and Rimmer currently being in a store cupboard.

Moving his hands down to Rimmer's pert bum, Lister gave it a cheeky squeeze, only to be met with Rimmer glaring angrily at him as he shoved him away with a strong push.

"God Lister, we have work to do." He sneered, glaring at Lister from beneath his lashes.

Lister frowned, and incoherently mumbled some nonsense that made no sense whatsoever. Rimmer, backed away and breathed deeply, "You're so... heavy..."

Lister's frown deepened, "Heavy? But I thought this is what you wanted, I thought you wanted us to be together, and we are" he paused "aren't you happy?" he asked, looking at Rimmer expectantly.

Rimmer scowled at him, "Look, maybe we should just- BREAK UP"

Lister's face dropped, Rimmer felt his heartstrings being tugged on like church bells and he softened his voice, "Look i'm sorry- it's been fun." and with that he walked out and went off to perform his duties.

Lister was left stood in complete shock. He laughed. Not a proper laugh of course. It was a nervous laugh, the sort of laugh someone performed when they didn't know what else to do.

Rimmer's words had penetrated into his brain…but they still failed to make any sense.

Break up?

Why would he want to do that?

Tears streaked down Lister's cheeks as he stumbled from the store cupboard, "Rimmer" he called, chasing after him.

Rimmer didn't turn around, didn't even acknowledge Lister.

"Rimmer, please" begged Lister catching up with him "Tell me you didn't mean it…tell me what you said back there was complete and utter bollocks!"

Lister choked on his own breath when Rimmer looked at him with cold, steely eyes. It was a look he'd not seen on Rimmer for a long, long time. "Please" murmured Lister, taking hold of his hand gently "please…don't do this to me"

Rimmer briefly looked at their clasped hands before jerking his own away, "We're finished, Lister" he said stiffly "and that's that!"


	2. It still hurts

**Lar-ton's A/N:** With the new statistics feature we have noticed something rather alarming. Now for our first chapter of this story we had no less than 29 hits now give or take a few with only 3 reviews that means that 96 (unless our maths is wrong which it probably is) of you lurkers are not reviewing! This is actually our biggest hit for a first chapter but one of the fewest reviews, now i'm not gonna get mad grits teeth but don't you guys like the story? Please we love feedback and are review whores, so give us some incentive- Pweety Pwease : ) ...I'll give you all cookies.

Love, **Lar-ton**

XXX

**A Note from Sunrise**: I ditto the cookie thing!

* * *

Rimmer had long since abandoned the comfort of his bunk, preferring to pace the room, feeling the guilt consume his body.

He felt it was what he deserved.

Arnold J Rimmer was not an evil man, but he was a heartbreaker. And that was perhaps worse that being evil.

All night long, Rimmer couldn't get the look on Lister's face out of his head. He looked so heartbroken, like everything he'd ever known and loved had been shattered into a thousand pieces.

Rimmer shuddered as his own words haunted him:" We're finished Lister, and that's that!"

He crossed his arms and dug his nails deep into his skin. He bit his lip as his nails pierced the tender flesh but he didn't cry out.

He needed to feel pain.

As Rimmer had walked away from Lister the previous morning he silently prayed that Lister would run after him, kick him. Punch him. Beat him roughly over the head with his precious guitar.

_Anything_ to take away the guilt.

But he hadn't.

Instead Lister remained in the stock cupboard, and just when Rimmer was going to check on him and make sure he hadn't strangled himself with a cleaning nozzle, he ran out. "Rimmer, please. Tell me you didn't mean it…tell me what you said back there was complete and utter bollocks!"

Perhaps if Lister had delivered this line venimously and full of hatred, Rimmer could stop hating himself and justify their split with the reasoning that Lister was clingy, moody and demanding.

Trouble was, Lister was none of those things, and the words from his mouth weren't said with an ounce with hatred but merely tumbled out in a choked sentence, the words hardly seeming to fit together properly.

It was the voice of a broken man.

Rimmer's heart felt strangely caged as he glanced at Lister's frame, wrought with tears, shaking uncontrollably and generally looking like he was having a bad dream and was desperately trying to wake up.

All Rimmer wanted to do was hug him, apologize, kiss him, and hold him.

Hold him like there was no tomorrow…

But Rimmer couldn't do it. He was too proud. His father had called him a pansy all his childhood and he had proved himright by being with Lister.

He pretended it didn't bother him, but every moment spent with Lister, pre or post coital, reminded him of his own failure and what his Father deemed to be _failure_.

Failure of course included being a gibbering wreck, who never lived up to expectations, slept with boxing gloves on, had a nervous disposition and worst of all was gay.

Gay not being in the happy sense of the word either.

Rimmer had always remembered as a child watching an old movie, in which a woman had proclaimed her wedding day to be a "happy and gay affair."

Rimmer had taken this as the traditional meaning of "happy" or "joyful" and pleasantly bounded to his father and attempted to give him a hug. His father instead telling the small boy not to bother him and shrugging him off, right until Rimmer pronounced

"But Dad I'm so gay. I want to share my gayness with everybody!"

That simple remark had earned Rimmer a beating, which his father later said was for being 'insolent'. This had made it difficult for Rimmer to express any feelings apart from negative ones.

It was easy to say he loved Lister though, because Lister brought out the good side of him.

The side of him that was actually likeable.

Rimmer was pretty sure that side of him had gone now, because Lister wasn't there to help it flourish.

There were numerous reasons why Rimmer had broke up with Lister. A main one being that he was a commitmphobe, scared of getting in too deep.

He was also worried about the damaging effect Lister was having on his career.

Numerous times Lister had talked him out of going to work. He'd wrap his arms around Rimmer's waist and tug him back onto the bed, "Come on" he 'd whisper, looking at Rimmer with his big brown eyes "no one will miss us…" Rimmer was powerless to resist and the pair would stay in bed, wrapped in each other's arms.

He quickly closed the floodgates to all those type of memories.

As far as he was concerned…they were in the past, they'd been and gone and no amount of weeping or wailing could bring those times back.

It was then he felt something trickle down his arm. He moved his hands, his fingertips were covered in drops blood. He looked at his arm, fresh blood ooze out of the pierced skin.

Rimmer held his fingers up to his face and grimaced slightly, before rubbing his fingers together, watching with morbid fascination as the sticky crimson liquid covered his pale skin.

"Arnie, come back to bed..." cooed the brunette tugging the thin, flimsy bed sheets around her naked torso, she smiled at him "we don't necessarily have to sleep..."

Rimmer turned round and forced a smile onto his face "just coming" he said, washing his hands in the sink. He sighed to himself as the last droplets of his blood got washed down the drain.

He raised his eyes so they met with his reflections. For a second or two, they both stared at each other.

Rimmer gripped the side of the sink with both hands, and muttered firmly under his breath "I'm not gay."

He said it...he just didn't believe it.

"Arnie?" came an expectant voice.

Rimmer groaned inwardly and shuffled over to the third reason why he dumped Lister: Jessica, Rimmer's bit on the side.


	3. A Nightmare for the Dumped

**Sunrise and Rage would like to thank the following people for reviewing: Sojuske, cazflibs, boogle, smegginitlarge, and finally RimmersLittleVoodooDoll :D **

**Sunrise and Rage sends you all hugs, kisses, tidings of great joy and virtual pan fried noodles to eat whilst watching a Red Dwarf marathon on TV or alternatively reading Chapter 3 of Losing Hope! Toodles and Enjoy!**

** The rest of you... well we love you too, just not quite as much cos we're self confessed review whores an all ;)

* * *

**"I'll see you soon" sighed Jessica, giving Rimmer a peck on the cheek, which he managed to force a dry smile for.

She blew him a kiss as she dashed out the door, leaving Rimmer completely alone.

The story of his life.

He was about to get ready when there came a knock at the door; he rolled his eyes and stomped back to the door.

'It's probably Jessica again' Rimmer thought bitterly, "What now?" he demanded as he opened the door.

Lister recoiled slightly at the cold welcome, it was what he was expecting but it still didn't stop it coming as a shock.

Rimmer froze as his eyes met Lister's "oh, it's you" he said softly, gripping the doorframe for support.

Lister swallowed nervously and nodded "yeah…I was wondering if we could…talk"

"Now is not a good time" replied Rimmer, with more venom then he intended.

"Please" begged Lister "It won't take long…"

Rimmer drummed his fingers against the wall as he contemplated what to do for the best, all the while Lister watched him tentatively.

"Oh all right" snapped Rimmer, moving aside to let him in "5 minutes"

Lister suddenly got the feeling this wasn't such a good idea. Once inside the room, he turned to say something to Rimmer, but stopped as he noticed his former lover was half naked. His eyes wandered across Rimmer's smooth, broad shoulders, and wondered how many times he must have wrapped his own arms around them. He became so engrossed in reminiscing about the past, he hardly noticed Rimmer getting increasingly agitated.

"You said you wanted something" he said, catching sight of Lister staring, who raised his eyes guiltily.

"Yeah" he mumbled, looking away.

Rimmer allowed a short silence to happen before he became impatient "well?" he enquired somewhat harshly.

Lister shoved his hands deep into his pockets in an attempt to look casual, it was in actual fact to hide his hands that were shaking, he sighed and looked up at Rimmer "you're not my Rimmer..." he said finally

Rimmer laughed, "I'm sorry" he teased "I don't think I heard you right..._your_ Rimmer did you say?"

Lister didn't flinch at this show of mockery, instead he looked Rimmer straight in the eye and said "You're not the Rimmer I fell in love with...the Rimmer I knew worried about me, you don't...I've not come back here all night, and you didn't even ask where I was or was I okay..." he trailed off to try and regain some form of composure "Where's the man who used to come looking for me if I was 10 minutes late coming home from the pub?"

Rimmer coughed and rubbed his eyebrows, bringing his fingers together at the bridge of his nose, "Yea, well it was a momentary lapse in common sense. I'm over it now." He couldn't believe how cold his own voice sounded but continued on all the same, "Besides, you're nothing special really Lister- not really."

Rimmer's voice shook slightly as he tried to convince himself, before meeting Lister's eyes.They were glazed over and empty as he blinked repeatedly, his eyes watering and brimming with tears. Childishly Lister scrubbed his eyes, coughed, turned away and puffed his chest out, "Of course" he said, voice cracking, "of course" he whispered.

"Look-" began Rimmer, but the sound of the door sliding open drowned his out

"Arnie, I think I've left my purse here..." smiled Jessica, she stopped dead in her tracks and her face fell when she spotted Lister,

"Who's this?" she asked frowning and looking at Lister confused.

Lister narrowed his eyes "I was just about to ask the same question..."

Rimmer looked from Jessica to Lister, and licked his lips nervously "Jessica" he smiled "This is Lister, a friend" he added hastily, making Lister grimace inwardly, "Lister, this is Jessica...she's...she's my girlfriend"

Lister budged the floor with the toe of his shoe, "I better go now," he was about to finish with 'It was nice seeing you Rimmer,' but in actually fact it had been a rather hellish visit for the both of them and Lister felt it less than fitting to say it had been enjoyable.

Giving Jessica a brief nod, he headed for the door only to be intercepted by Jessica and given a tight hug. "I've been waiting to meet some of Snugglebear's friends! I thought he was embarrassed of me." She purred, lightly stroking Rimmer's arm and gazing at him lovingly.

Lister coughed, "Oh yeah? Rimmer hasn't mentioned having a girlfriend. You make it sound like you've been going out for a long time.

Jessica's smile dimmed a notch but didn't falter as Rimmer hastily explained that he had wanted to introduce his friends to her personally.

Jessica smiled and snuggled into his arm, she grimaced as Rimmer began mumbling his excuse for not mentioning her, "Honey Shush." She clucked and turned to Lister her smile back on full power, "We've been dating for like a few months now –haven't we Arn." She turned to look at Rimmer, for him to confirm their dating status.

Rimmer nodded grimily, looking anywhere but at Lister, whose heart felt like it had been ripped out, chewed up by some rabid dog, regurgitated and harshly shoved back in just under his ribcage. "A- A few months?" he repeated, trying to keep the grief out of his voice.

Jessica nodded again, "Yep," suddenly waving her arms manically she clawed at Lister's arm, "Oh, oh I have an idea!"

Rimmer turned his head to face her, "What?"

She ran a finger down his bare arm "Well, you know how Marcie had just broken up with Brett? Well- how about we set up Lister and Marcie, frankly they both look as miserable as each other" she looked at Lister, "-no offence- Anyway, they'd be like happy and stuff. Oh my GOD! We could double date, Arn!"

"I don't think that's a good idea," muttered Rimmer, scratching his head awkwardly,

"Oh, but it'll be fun..." she whined

"It's a great idea, Jessica" lied Lister "But I'll have to pass on it, I'm not ready for a relationship yet" he locked his eyes on Rimmer's guilty features "I'm still recovering from a bad break up..."

"Oh please" begged Jessica, "Marcie such a lovely girl, you'd make such a sweet couple!"

Lister sighed, "I'll…I'll think about it…"

This appeared to be good enough for Jessica, who squealed in delight and clapped her hands, "I've got to go, Arnie…oh, I nearly forgot. Have you seen my purse?"

"By the sink" said Rimmer, "You must have left it after brushing your teeth…"

Jessica quickly tottered over to the sink and retrieved her purse, she gave Rimmer a departing kiss and gave Lister a wave "Think about the double date thing" she giggled before leaving, only to return seconds later "Wait, would you like to come with me and Arnie for a drink tonight?" she asked,

Rimmer caught Lister's eyes and shook his head slightly, hoping he'd take the hint. Lister raised an eyebrow at him, he knew what Rimmer was up to. He didn't want Lister anywhere near Jessica, in case something was said.

Lister decided it was time for Rimmer to feel uncomfortable. "I'd love to" said Lister, turning back to Jessica and grinning.


	4. A Date to Hate

**Lar-ton's A/N:** Hey reader people. We'd firstly like to start off this a/n by talking about the London Bombings. We were shocked, saddened and angry at the bombings and questioned what drives people to commit such acts.

Our sympathy and support goes out to anyone hurt by the bombings and we also say that is up to us as a county to stand up to terrorism and show we shall not back down.

We are a strong country and this is proven by how much people pull together during crisis. I think our gratitude should be shown to the fire, police, ambulance and other emergency services for their tremendous effort and bravery.

Thanks to all reviewers, we adore you!

And now on with the chapter, and we thought it was time for Lister to get his own back...

* * *

Lister reckoned that if there had been an award for 'most uncomfortable and excruciatingly awkward situation ever', he'd say this double date had to win it. 

No contest.

He had a feeling it was going to be bad, but his feeling turned out to be wrong: it wasn't bad. It was horrific...more than horrific. It was torture.

Jessica had taken them to 'La Bella Villa', one of the more 'trendy' bars onboard the Dwarf, where Lister was promptly hooked up with Marcie.

She was a curvy little thing; with big blue eyes and curly brown hair…she was also very clingy. Within seconds of meeting Lister, she was holding his hand, touching his leg, batting her eyelashes and just generally being irritatingly affectionate.

After nearly an hour of Lister being fondled about by Marcie, Jessica announced she was going to powder her nose and asked if Marcie would care to join her.

Thankfully, she did.

Once in the bathroom Marcie applied a seventh coat of lipstick, nervously fluffing her hair, "So do you think he likes me?"

Jessica snorted before spraying herself liberally with perfume "yeah!"

"Really?" asked Marcie, "It's just, I'm not so sure this is a good idea...leaping straight back into a relationship after breaking up with Brett..." she trailed off and bit her lip to stop the tears from flowing.

Jessica paused halfway through touching up her mascara "It'll be good for you. Dave is a lovely lad, it's obvious he's keen on you" she grinned "who knows, it could lead to bigger things!"

Marcie frowned, "Like what?"

Jessica gave her a sideways glance, "If I ask you something will you promise not to be freaked out?" Marcie gave a brief nod, "Well I was thinking of like a... group...session...thing..."

Marcie's eyes widened as she realised what she was talking about, "But... well... I wouldn't mind...but do you think they would...ya know...mind?"

"We'll have to see"

Marcie lent on the sinks, "Well do you think i'm in there then?"

Jessica smirked, "Honey, you are in there like a shopoholic in a Debenhams half price sale."

* * *

Rimmer tightened his grip on the menu although he'd already ordered and stared jealously at Lister. 

As soon as Marcie had come onto him, Lister had flirted back shamelessly. Rimmer knew it was unfair and wrong to both Lister (since they weren't going out anymore) and Jessica (since they were) but he just couldn't help but be jealous though. "You and Marcie seem to be having fun," snapped Rimmer bitterly, "She's well in there, am I correct?"

Lister grimaced, "She is SO NOT..." Lister was about to follow this with a disgusted 'in there' but realised how jealous and bitter Rimmer sounded about the whole affair, "She is SO NOT up for discussion Rimmer."

Rimmer practically tore the lamenated menu in two he was pulling the feeble plastic so hard, "Good for you Lister." he spat..

"She's nice," commented Lister casually after a brief pause.

"Just nice?" asked Rimmer, feeling his spirits raise at the thought of Marcie not pushing Lister's buttons.

"Yeah, she's a pretty girl...just not my sex" he grinned.

Rimmer was fighting a loosing battle not to smile, but then Lister added, "I'd still shag her though-"

"What?" laughed Rimmer, hoping he'd heard wrong, but the sinking feeling in his stomach argued otherwise

Lister raised his eyes to meet Rimmer's and he grinned "I said I'd still have sex with her" he watched with some mild amusement as Rimmer coughed and looked away, so he continued "she does actually turn me on, I wouldn't have to work myself up to shag her" he paused "I mean…. it's been ages since I've had a half decent sexual experience!"

Rimmer's mouth dropped open, "Well" he choked, "you didn't seem to complain that night after the annual crew appreciation party about your 'sexual experiences'"

Lister growled, "That's because I pissed out of my head!"

"Oh I see," snapped Rimmer "You need to be completely and utterly blitzed before you can have a good time in bed!"

"With you, yeah!" replied Lister coldly "there isn't enough alcohol in the world!"

The pair lapsed into an awkward silence. Rimmer was devastated. Before the break up, he'd thought his and Lister's sex life was both pleasurable and exciting. Had Lister been lying for all that time?

Lister of course was lying about not enjoying sex with Rimmer. He couldn't control the things he was saying; it was like someone had tapped into his brain and had complete control of what he did and said. 'Hmm' they'd think 'yes, that's a particularly bitchy, cruel, heartless and very unkind thing to say to the man you're absolutly crazy about', then they'd make him say it.

Perhaps it was Lister wanting Rimmer to experience even a fraction of the pain he was feeling. He wanted Rimmer to feel like his life was falling apart, like he'd never be happy again.

The thing was, that was exactly how Rimmer felt...but instead of accepting it, he dug himself deep into denial and took his frustrastions out on the person he cared about most.

Lister.

"It's not always been a barrel of laughs in the bed department for me you know" he sniffed,

"Oh really?" said Lister, doing his best to sound uninterested.

"Oh yes. Until I met Jessica I didn't know sex could be fun" he paused and sighed a world weary sigh, "My first time was hardly memorable for the right reasons, I mean you stole my virginity from me," said Rimmer, pointing at Lister who merely laughed

"I didn't steal it from you...you gave me it willingly!"

But Rimmer was having none of this "You knew how young, innocent and inexperienced I was... you took advantage of me, stole my virginity! Gave _me_ a badsexual experience!"

"Cut out the crap, Rimmer " said Lister getting angry "You wanted it as much as I did" he paused before grinning "In fact, you wanted it really really _really_ badly, I'd go as far as to say you were desperate!"

"Desperate?" repeated Rimmer before laughing falsely "As if! It was just something to do to pass the time""

"Come off it, that first time you had my boots off so fast you got friction burn from the laces..."

"That's not true!" argued Rimmer, "I had an allergic reaction to a…to a cleaning product. It brought me out in a rash that looked incredibly similar to friction burn, but it wasn't...it was defiantly a rash!"

But Lister was looking elsewhere; his eyes were locked onto the ceiling before they rolled around the room. "What are you looking at?" Rimmer asked, following Lister's gaze only to see absolutely nothing.

"Flying pig"

"Enough of this childish bickering" snapped Rimmer, slightly annoyed at the fact he'd fallenfor that trick"Lets get back to the matter at hand..." he dropped his voice to a low whisper as not to be heard by others "did you really not enjoy sex with me?"

Lister yawned and stretched, making Rimmer wait for his answer "No." he said finally before asking feebly"And you didn't enjoy it with me?"

Rimmer pretended to inspect the menu "Put it this way...those weren't moans of pleasure coming from my mouth!" he smirked "You however, did sound very…mmm what's the word…satisfied!"

Lister leaned forward so he was just inches away from Rimmer "I faked it"

Rimmer bit his lip, crushed at the news but trying to hide it, "You're a crap actor Lister -you couldn't have faked it, I can tell your lying now."He turned his head just in time to see Jessica and Marcie making their way back from the ladies.

"End this conversation now, the girls are coming back...we'll talk about this later back at the room!"

"So you're not getting any tonight?" teased Lister,

"We'll talk later." said Rimmer through gritted teeth

"No we won't" said Lister

"Why not?" asked Rimmer, panicking because the girls were just feet away from the table

"Because I'm moving out!"

"Look at the two of you" giggled Jessica, slipping in the seat next to Rimmer "If I didn't know better i'd say you were bickering like an old married couple'

Lister and Rimmer exchanged awkward looks, "you could say that" muttered Lister, lowering his eyes to the floor

Jessica continued laughing, "Oh Marcie, would you look at these two? They're typical men, very insecure with their sexuality- don't worry boys, we know you're as straight as a arrow."

"Maybe a snapped one," muttered Lister earning him a glance from Marcie who didn't quite hear what he said.

She sneaked a look at Lister. It was easy to see wasn't exactly relaxed. He'd torn his napkin into tiny pieces and kept shuffling about as if the whole situation was getting to him.

"I think Dave and I had better go," explained Marcie, standing up

"Go?" repeated Jessica sounding rather put out "But it's not even ten yet!"

"Yeah, but I'm not feeling too good and I was wondering if Dave would be so kind as to escort me home…" she looked at Lister expectantly, who smiled

"Sure" he nodded, pulling on his jacket with haste "We'll leave the two _lovebirds_ alone…"

And with that Lister and Marcie left, watched carefully by Rimmer who, for the first time since this whole mess had started, felt like crying.


	5. Kiss and Tell

**Disclaimer: We may be a writing partnership, but we are not THE writing partnership. All hail Grant Naylor: The lords of comedy!**

**A/N**: Okay, Liz would like to state that her brother could eat off their toilet as it is that clean and sparkling and if he argues about the cleanliness off the toilet, Liz will make him eat off it to prove her point. We're sorry for the lateness of this chapter (lowers heads in shame) we're bad, bad writers… (Liz cries for dramatic effect whilst Becky plays violin in the background)…we've both suffered writers block for this chapter but it's finally finished! We apologize once again for the delay and hope you enjoy the chapter. Reviews welcomed and adored! To all readers, we love you! Lar-ton

* * *

Once out of the claustrophobic atmosphere restaurant, Lister breathed a sigh of immense relief. 

It was all just too much.

He couldn't bear watching Rimmer and Jessica as they held it each other close, kissed and smiled affectionately at each other…. just like he and Rimmer had done.

He was just about to turn to Marcie and ask her what room she was in, when she placed her hands either side of his face, pressed him against the wall and kissed him.

At first he was shocked to resist, but after a few seconds he had the common sense to push her away.

"What are you doin'?" he asked, holding her at arms length

"Giving you a kiss," she replied innocently, turning her head slightly a gazing at him curiously as if she was trying to work something out.

"Why?"

"Because Jessy said you like me…" she frowned "you do like me, don't you?"

"Yeah" replied Lister "but not in that way…" he let his arms drop, "the thing is Marcie…you're not my type"

"Oh" she replied casually "and what is your type?" she gave a grin "Rimmer?"

Lister laughed nervously (secretly freaked out that she'd clocked on) making Marcie squeal "ohmygod! It is, you like Rimmer!"

"Used to like" he corrected coldly, walking off down the corridor.

Marcie frowned and chased after him "Used to…why, what happened?"

"Nothing major" said Lister, quietly, devoting a lot of concentration to not crying "he just broke my heart, that's all…."

Marcie's head snapped up, "He did what? How? Wait- Jessy said you'd had a bad break up... were you two dating!"

Lister hesistated before answering "yeah…we'd been together little over a year…and he just dumped me, didn't give me a reason or anything…he just said we we're finished" he stopped and took a deep breathe and swallowed back the tears "Later I found out he and Jessica had been dating for a couple of months…"

Marcie was gobsmacked "I don't think Jess knows, she'd never purposefully take someone's boyfriend if she knew they had a girlfriend…or a boyfriend" she added hastily

"Still doesn't stop it hurting does it?" said Lister, giving her a small smile.

"No" she sighed, "I suppose not…"

"And the worse part is" said Lister, after a short, thoughtful silence "there's no-one I can talk to about it…"

It was only recently that Lister had realised he didn't have any real friends. He had drinking buddies. He doubted firstly is Petersen, Chen and Selby could take the news that he and Rimmer dated. They were shameless 'Rimmer haters' and Lister knew they had homophobic tendencies, calling it 'un-natural'.

He knew for certain that getting sympathy out of the trio would be like trying to get a teenage checkout-till operator to understand the importance of being polite to customers…impossible!

"I've not really got any friends…I've just got people I get pissed with! Hardly the most understanding people in the universe."

"Why don't you come and talk to a few of my friends?" suggested Marcie

"I'm not sure…" muttered Lister

"Woman are the most sensitive and sympathetic creatures on the planet Dave…apart from the bitchy ones…and those who suffer bad PMT…but on the whole we're very understanding!"

"I think I'll pass," said Lister, the prospect of explaining the current situation to a group of women really scared him.

"It won't hurt," said Marcie softly "They'll sympathise and treat you like a human" she placed her hand on his arm "What d'you say?"

He sighed, part of him wanted to wrench his arm away and walk away...walk away from facing up to the pain. But the rest of him was aching for someone to talk to, someone who would listen.

He felt that if he didn't talk to someone about it soon, he'd have a break down.

"Okay" he said eventually "but if you start talking about the 'best way to ease period pain' I'm leavin''!"

She chuckled "We won't, woman's promise" she linked arms and carried on walking down the corridor "I like you Dave" she said, "Can I adopt you?" Like a pet?"

"What?" he laughed, "No, you can't adopt me…what d'you think this is, 'Will and Grace'?"

"I see you more like Jack!" she teased.

Lister folded his arms huffily and let out a disgruntled sigh, whilst Marcie nudged him playfully, "i'm kidding!"

Although pouting, he couldn't help but smile a little.

"Come on," said Marcie, marching him off down the corridor "I can guarantee you won't be disappointed"

* * *

It was arranged that the next day Lister would meet a selection of Marcie's friend ("they're a great bunch" she reassured "you're gonna love 'em") 

There was still an element of doubt in Lister's mind.

"I hope you've explained to your friends that i'm not the type of gay you can drag along on a shopping trip, I don't wear pink, I don't do manicures and/or pedicures, I don't like or want highlights and I don't think Buddy Holly rocks..."

"Lister" said Marcie, acting annoyed "These are mature, sensible, level headed career women...they have long since abandoned the concept of 'stereotypical gays'"

Lister raised an eyebrow but said nothing

"But they will be pretty upset about the shopping thing...they were hoping you'd offer your opinion on a few outfits!"

"No. I'm stating for the record right here and now, no smeggin' shopping trips. I'm only here cos you insisted I meet some of your friends, that's all!" he said.

Lister didn't like to admit it, not even to himself, but he was nervous. He'd never really had a problem talking to women before, but he normally only did small talk. Quick conversations about work, social life and numerous other subjects you didn't need to go into great detail.

But talking to a group full of women about his break up...it was terrifying. Telling a room full of strangers how you feel about your relationship (or the lack of it). He was about to talk about things he'd never told anyone else, not even Rimmer.

When they were together, there were only two types of feelings in their relationship. Happy or sad. Angry would pop up every now and again, but on the whole it was either one or the other, the latter hardly ever.

One by one, Marcie's friends arrived. There was the usual girly greeting that involved hugging and excessive squealing.

Then came the compliments on: clothes, hair, make up, accessories, weight loss and appearance in general and then finally Marcie finally introduced Lister, who had hoped to remain invisible each time.

Marcie's friends would give him a genuine smile as they said hello to which he would mutter 'hello' back, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment.

Just when he thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, they did.

"Dave?" came a voice "What are you doing here?"

He looked up to see a very confused looking Kochanski.

Possible explanations raced through his brain, but none seemed to fit, so he decided to leg it. "Just leavin'," he said, trying to casually slip out the door.

As he turned to make a hasty exit he came face to face with Marcie, who'd dashed out a few minutes before for a quick word with another of her seemingly countless friends.

"Where are you going?" she asked

"Out there" said Lister, nodding to the safety of the corridor hoping she'd let him go.

"Why?" she demanded, "we're all in here"

"I know" nodded Lister "that's why I want be out there" he made a desperate bid for freedom but Marcie grabbed his shoulders and steered him back into the room.


End file.
